Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
