My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Houston, we have a squirter
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
