i was rollin on her like bob the builder
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
