We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
