In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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