If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
