I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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