Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I lost the right to judge tonight
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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