4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
