Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize