Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
