Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
