we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
