His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
