Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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