It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
sarcasm needs its own font
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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