yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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