There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
