dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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