i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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