Your face is a jimmy john
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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