i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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