thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
