I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
