Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
