I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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