Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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