We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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