i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
