Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
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I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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