This is not my ceiling
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
