just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I am full of burrito and curiosity
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
