Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
