I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
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I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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