Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
