can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
