the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
