the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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