There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
