nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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