Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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