my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
