If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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