I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
