He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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