so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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