Dude my mom stole all your condoms
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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