Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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