remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
NoShamevember. You game?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
