When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My pussy is not your playground.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Randomize
