I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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