I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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