it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
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Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
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Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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