I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
