My cat gives me a boner
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
