dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
