Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
