your thong is hanging out like whoa
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
