ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
