i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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