I just saw a hot homeless man
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
