Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
