U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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