just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
