worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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