Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
