things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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