im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
