and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
