I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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