She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
