I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Someone came in the potted fern
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