Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
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When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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