Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
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well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
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I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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