i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
