apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
