If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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