Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
