Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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