So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
