Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
