I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
