I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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